About 10 days ago I read the following story:
The Perfect Christmas
God is using this article to transform me during this Christmas season.
Until now, I hadn't looked at the birth of the Christ child through more than just the biblical description. Today I see Mary, a pregnant, mother-to-be carrying the Savior of the world experiencing some less-than-ideal circumstances.
If I were Mary and travelling approximately 3 days without car, train or plane when I was nine months pregnant, how gracious would I be? When there were no guest rooms available, how frustrated would I be? If I had given birth to the Savior of the world and placed Him in a manger with straw for a bed.... how thankful would I be?
If I were Mary, I might be tempted to think "shouldn't everything be perfect? 'I' am about to deliver the Savior of the world, aren't 'I?' Shouldn't this be perfect for Him?" Ha! As if "I" would have had been responsible for orchestrating anything with the entire scenario!! Too many "I's" if you ask me!
In Luke 1:26-38 we get a glimpse of Mary and her relationship with God.
Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”
“I am the Lord’s servant,” Mary answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her.
Mary had found favor with God. Her relationship with Him was unique and she was truly His servant. I don't believe she looked outside of God for direction, all things came from Him and what He provided was perfect. Whatever that was, she held no expectation and therefore no disappointment, no questioning. She didn't view the circumstances of her labor & delivery as imperfect. She simply trusted a perfect God to provide. In each moment she followed Him.
God is everywhere and in all things. I am surrounded by Him always. However, I don't always look. As a pregnant mommy-to-be Mary reminds me this season and in all situations that God is there and He holds a plan for each day. It is up to me to decide my perspective. Will I choose.... Gracious? Thankful? Joyful? Trusting? Seeking?
This past weekend is a prime example of how God is revealing Himself this season through the imperfections.
I first announced the date of this year's "Christmas Tree Day" to the the family in early November. When I made the announcement my vision was Jeff & I cooking and cleaning on Friday evening, finishing up last minute details. Andie and Alex live at home and so the rest of the family..... Brandon, David, Laura, Joseph & the triplets, Katie & Cliff would all arrive at varying times on Saturday. Whoever was there in the morning would head to the Old Farm Market to pick out the tree. We'd bring it home, set it up, and everyone would join in putting on the lights, sharing our traditional "Tree Day" meal and settle in for the annual watching of Elf.
Nice. Neat & Tidy! Perfect! Right?
Well, perhaps if life were a story. However, nice & neat perfect stories are rarely reality.
Two weeks ago we found out that Joseph would be in St. Louis. I suggested that Laura & the babies come in on Friday night. Then we found out that Cliff would be working. Well, no worries Katie could ride in with Laura. The Saturday before Tree Day, we found out Old Farm Market was CLOSED!?!?!?! Wow! Even this curve ball was a blessing in disguise, because I had secretly wanted to go to a tree farm this year and wasn't sure how to make the change.
The Sunday before Tree Day I came down with the flu. I stayed home from work on Monday and was really queasy the rest of the week. Needless to say the state of the house come Friday was a bit unattended! Thankfully by Thursday I had recovered enough to make lists for what we needed to do Friday night. When we arrived home Friday evening the house was bustling with people and activity. Within hours, Katie was unhappy, Laura was in tears sitting in the van, the babies were having a major meltdown and Andie was in her room still recovering from a head cold. One tear at a time, one hug at a time, one conversation at a time....peace was mostly restored. By 11pm I was working on the final recipe of the evening, the babies were asleep and Laura & Alex were having a sweet girl-time talk while I cooked. What a priceless moment I held near my heart all weekend.
But moments after going to bed, Miss Talulah was in full force for the next 3 1/2 hours. Oh my! Around 2am, I was thankful to be of use and I sent Laura off to bed while I took over baby duty. Asleep at last, 630am came very early as Jethro was having a seizure. I did have things to do so the "dog alarm" was even a blessing.
Minus Joseph & Cliff, we were all assembled and walking out the door at 1030am. This was nothing short of amazing! The tree farm was quite the adventure. One baby meltdown, one shoe that fell off the hay wagon and 8 adults in agreement on the tree.... yes a miraculous adventure. Now we have the tree in tow, ready to go.... or maybe not quite yet. Laura's brakes went out on the van. Given that Joseph was in another state, what a blessing for this to happen when Laura is with us so Jeff can take care of the situation for her. David & Alex head out to retrieve brake fluid. While we wait we find Santa & carolers, mules & goats! What a treat! Before long we are having a snack fit for a King..... stale saltine crackers we found under the van seat. It brought smiles to the babies faces and life was good!
Brake fluid added and off we go. Back at home , Jeff coordinates van repair for Monday. David & Brandon are "shopping" in the neighbors garage and sifting through their moving sale leftovers, another neighbor is in need of a compassionate ear to talk about issues with her son and Katie's unhappiness advances to a new level.
Van to the shop, check. Alex talking Katie through her thoughts & emotions, check. Me spending time talking with the neighbor, check! Brandon & David happy as clams on their "shopping" expedition, check!!
None of those items above were listed on the Christmas Tree Day itinerary! Not a single one!! But they were perfect. The van & garage-shopping distractions kept Jeff, David, Brandon & Andie busy so that Alex had time with Katie, I had time with our neighbor, Laura & the babies had time for a nap.
Imperfectly Perfect.
And now, we are ready to bring in the tree for lights and positioning. Check!
Time to decorate! Almost done...... and...... the tree falls completely over, ornaments everywhere!!! Scared, Lennex is crying, Andie is shaken up and crying. Oh my!
Lennex & Andie are calmed and peace is restored. Tree back up and TIED to the wall.... it ain't going nowhere! Decorations back in place.
Whatever presented itself, we made time to walk through it. In hindsight I will say this is not the norm, but the exception. Obviously I had some kind of expectation for the day. But when the weekend came, the expecations of earlier were just not there. Time wasn't really relevant, people were. It was Good and we were blessed. Looking back the day was incredible! I pray that this exception will become my new "norm." I pray "time" will take a back seat, I pray my expectatation will be to encounter God through the imperfections of each day and joyfully serve a Perfect God who holds a Perfect Plan
Sometime around 8pm the popcorn was made and Elf was starting to play. What a perfect ending to a perfect day.
Imperfectly Perfect that is!
If I were Mary and view the birth of Jesus from "my" expectations, I might have had a tendency to feel "I" had let God down when I landed in a stable for me to bring Jesus into this world. Sad, because my disappointment would overshadow my encounter with God to fully experience Him, His way.
Luke 2:4-7 So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David. He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no guest room available for them.
Maybe the lesson Mary teaches through example is to simply trust God to provide, without preconceived expectations. In Mary's case God provided His perfect place where He would bring His Son into the world. In the case of 2012 Christmas Tree Day, God orchestrated each event for His greater purpose. If I would have chosen to be disappointed with the day not measuring up to my expectations then I would have missed an all day encounter with God.
I think we define circumstances as perfect and imperfect based upon where we are in relationship with Christ. What I might have deemed as a disastrous Tree Day, was amazingly perfect and unplanned.
Imperfectly Perfect that is!
Life and this world are so full of imperfections. It takes spiritual practice and maturity to find Perfection in the imperfect moments. This weekend was a lesson. I am sure God will continue to teach me and I pray I continue to practice what He teaches and mature into a faith where I will be strong in all situations.
We serve a God who shines brightest in our moments of imperfectness!
Three days of travel, a manger, and a night sky ceiling now paint a picture of a Perfect God who orchestrates every detail.... I pray my view is forever changed.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Thursday, November 15, 2012
YES! Solid Food Please!
My reading time has presented many things to think about this week.
~ A jar filled with thankfulful events of the year
~ A jar filled with how God has revealed himself
~ God uses all of our experiences with Him to reveal Himself, to grow our faith and prepare us for what we will encounter next.
~ By focusing on being amazed by "what" God did you will lose focus on being amazed by Him.
And then I read Hebrew 5:12b-14
You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
God has "done" many things for me over the years. I remember a lot because I write so frequently, but I am sure there are even more that I have forgotten.
I loved the idea of having a "Thankful" jar to fill with things that happen throughout the year that I can remember and reflect upon at Thanksgiving or even New Year's.
I REALLY liked the idea of filling a jar, notebook, blog with how God has revealed Himself. Being intentional regarding God's presence, activity, preparation and teaching in my life. I would like to take what I have done in the past and focus on my relationship with God. What He is revealing to me about Himself. Allow Him more freedom to lead our relationship.
If I went back and read past writings I bet I would find a lot of "me." There was lots of growing and learning. I loved every minute. But the times when I grow most are the times where I focus on Him and allow Him to lead.
I want to be ready to face what tomorrow will bring because God had room to prepare me today. I want to spiritually grow. I think in order to do this, God has been giving me some things to think about this week. Now it will be up to me if I will take His hand and follow His lead.
~ A jar filled with thankfulful events of the year
~ A jar filled with how God has revealed himself
~ God uses all of our experiences with Him to reveal Himself, to grow our faith and prepare us for what we will encounter next.
~ By focusing on being amazed by "what" God did you will lose focus on being amazed by Him.
And then I read Hebrew 5:12b-14
You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
God has "done" many things for me over the years. I remember a lot because I write so frequently, but I am sure there are even more that I have forgotten.
I loved the idea of having a "Thankful" jar to fill with things that happen throughout the year that I can remember and reflect upon at Thanksgiving or even New Year's.
I REALLY liked the idea of filling a jar, notebook, blog with how God has revealed Himself. Being intentional regarding God's presence, activity, preparation and teaching in my life. I would like to take what I have done in the past and focus on my relationship with God. What He is revealing to me about Himself. Allow Him more freedom to lead our relationship.
If I went back and read past writings I bet I would find a lot of "me." There was lots of growing and learning. I loved every minute. But the times when I grow most are the times where I focus on Him and allow Him to lead.
I want to be ready to face what tomorrow will bring because God had room to prepare me today. I want to spiritually grow. I think in order to do this, God has been giving me some things to think about this week. Now it will be up to me if I will take His hand and follow His lead.
Friday, October 12, 2012
everything means EVERYTHING
Matthew 6:26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
I have read this verse before, written about this verse and lived out this verse. I know this verse and the meaning it holds in my life.
I knew all week Friday was coming, it was inevitable. I knew that Friday would hold a $1700 hole that I could not fill, I knew that on Fridy I needed to withdraw funds for tithing. I knew my insurance nightmare had become an even greater mess.
I didn't waiver on the tithe. But I will say it didn't make sense. But guess what? Out of all the money owed on my list, that was at least achievable. I found that to be positive. However the nagging thought followed of all the bills that wouldn't be paid and would create great problems.
I know that God can anything. But I didn't see how this could fulfilled. I also knew I or we had created this mess, though I'm still not sure how, so maybe it makes sense for God to let me feel the effects of the consequences.
Honestly, I didn't know. I hadn't been worried or fixated on this throughout the week, but it did pass through my mind from time to time. But I alwasy reasoned that if it wasn't pay day then the problem wasn't on my plate for the day.
But today is Friday, it is payday.
First I figured out the priorities. UGH there was $222 to pay $1700 worth of bills and celebrate Alex's birthday. Then a math error and I have another $360. Then an idea pops in about stock sale, call to Jeff and by 11am we have $1816 for bills.
God has everything under His control. everything means EVERYTHING! My humaness doesn't allow for me to understand or predict God. I don't need to. I simply need to trust that He has EVERYTHING under control. I only need to follow Him daily where He leads, spend time with Him daily so that I will know His voice and guidance and above all trust Him.
I guess that I forgot again the magnitude that everything means EVERYTHING. He has me. I need to trust and follow. Be free to allow Him to work through me to reach others every minute of every day and not get sidetracked with details that I clearly can't care for anyway.
Just look at how He cares and provides for the birds. Thank You Father for the reminder. Thank You for caring for me and for continuing grow my faith through perfectly experiencing You. Father, bless the time I have with Alex today. Father fill this time with love, laughter and joy as we celebrate her life. Father cover the game tonight with Your protection. Guide the students in attendance, grant them life and safety. Father give me peace. Into Your hands I place them all that Your will might prevail. In Christ, Amen.
I have read this verse before, written about this verse and lived out this verse. I know this verse and the meaning it holds in my life.
I knew all week Friday was coming, it was inevitable. I knew that Friday would hold a $1700 hole that I could not fill, I knew that on Fridy I needed to withdraw funds for tithing. I knew my insurance nightmare had become an even greater mess.
I didn't waiver on the tithe. But I will say it didn't make sense. But guess what? Out of all the money owed on my list, that was at least achievable. I found that to be positive. However the nagging thought followed of all the bills that wouldn't be paid and would create great problems.
I know that God can anything. But I didn't see how this could fulfilled. I also knew I or we had created this mess, though I'm still not sure how, so maybe it makes sense for God to let me feel the effects of the consequences.
Honestly, I didn't know. I hadn't been worried or fixated on this throughout the week, but it did pass through my mind from time to time. But I alwasy reasoned that if it wasn't pay day then the problem wasn't on my plate for the day.
But today is Friday, it is payday.
First I figured out the priorities. UGH there was $222 to pay $1700 worth of bills and celebrate Alex's birthday. Then a math error and I have another $360. Then an idea pops in about stock sale, call to Jeff and by 11am we have $1816 for bills.
God has everything under His control. everything means EVERYTHING! My humaness doesn't allow for me to understand or predict God. I don't need to. I simply need to trust that He has EVERYTHING under control. I only need to follow Him daily where He leads, spend time with Him daily so that I will know His voice and guidance and above all trust Him.
I guess that I forgot again the magnitude that everything means EVERYTHING. He has me. I need to trust and follow. Be free to allow Him to work through me to reach others every minute of every day and not get sidetracked with details that I clearly can't care for anyway.
Just look at how He cares and provides for the birds. Thank You Father for the reminder. Thank You for caring for me and for continuing grow my faith through perfectly experiencing You. Father, bless the time I have with Alex today. Father fill this time with love, laughter and joy as we celebrate her life. Father cover the game tonight with Your protection. Guide the students in attendance, grant them life and safety. Father give me peace. Into Your hands I place them all that Your will might prevail. In Christ, Amen.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Learn from Me
My body woke me up at 2:24 for a quick trip to the bathroom.
Once I laid back down, I was awake. I acknowledged the presence of Christ and sensed He was inviting me to spend time with Him.
I wanted to, I was trying to, but Satan obviously was against this idea. First I couldn't concentrate because the train whistle distracted me. Then my half of my nose clogged and breathing or lack of breathing was distracting. I couldn't get comfortable... you name it and quiet time with my Savior just wasn't happening.
The longer I laid there, the more my heart and mind felt burdened. I knew that in order to meet with Jesus for some much needed one-on-one time, I would need to move myself from the present surroundings.
I grabbed a Hall's cough drop and I trotted myself to the downstairs couch.
It was freezing! I easily found 2 blankets and a pillow. I got all comfy and cozy and Jesus was right there waiting! But as much as I wanted to spend time with Him, I couldn't settle down the busy-ness in my head.
So, I just quietly laid there.
Come to find out I had an awful lot on my mind. My brain was racing! I was concerned for Jeff's sister & her family, I was distraught over finances and tithing, I was concerned for my earlier conversation with Andie, Alex's birthday is on a Wednesday and so is Survivor night with Laura & Joseph, and another college visit on a Wednesday in 2 weeks.
It was a serious battle. All of these issues kept swirling and swirling around in my head. They were such a mountain of distraction & noise that I could barely see Jesus and there was NO hearing from Him.
So I just laid there some more.
I was frustrated. I knew I needed time with Jesus, but the noise in my head sounded too loud, the mountain of issues in front of me seemed to great.
The longer I laid there, the quieter the noise became.
First up was Jeff's sister's family. Jesus reminded me He had already instructed me on this a few days ago. Why was I attempting to pick it up again? After several minutes I remember the Serenity Prayer. Yes, I remember, for now this is something I cannot change. I prayed for peace to settle this storm for now.
Then came finances and tithing. This was a giant pickle! I knew it, how could Christ fix this? I just sat with my turmoil and finally I simply heard, rested on the thought that "this is not for today." It's true, payday is not until Friday, worrying today will not help only deter the day's mission. Wow.
Conversation with Andie? Well that held the issue to really dive into. Yesterday afternoon God got me thinking about the Grace He offers to me every day. The challenge was strive to exemplify that same grace to those around me beginning with getting out of the car and walking into the house.
First I had a misunderstanding with Alex about dirty dishes that weren't hers, then a frustrating exchange with Andie and a short-tempered response to Jeff.... UGH this was all within 10 or 15 minutes of walking in the door.
Can you say "F-A-I-L?" Wow, miserably!! Now I had compounded the situation with guilt. Oh to be human!
I had failed in the moment. However, now at 330 in the morning, I was also aware and working through this with Jesus. What kept popping into my head was parts of yesterdays devotional verse in Matthew 11:28-30...."learn from me." I was in the perfect place for Him to teach and for me to learn.
I have a new perspective.
Then another phrase from yesterday's verse emerged....."for I am gentle and humble at heart." I definitely was not this! Oh dear. But I want to be.
Shortly thereafter I must have fallen asleep, because I awoke at 530am.
I am walking through today changed as a result of last night. Today I am more gentle and humble at heart. A long way from where I am sure God desires me to be, but I am more in Him than I was yesterday. Not because in the middle of the night He removed my burdens and made my world perfect. He didn't, not technically anyway.
I am more in Him because I spent time with Him, learning from Him and growing in relationship with Him. It's very good. I want to continue to learn from Him and grow in Him. I am thankful for my time with Him last night.
Once I laid back down, I was awake. I acknowledged the presence of Christ and sensed He was inviting me to spend time with Him.
I wanted to, I was trying to, but Satan obviously was against this idea. First I couldn't concentrate because the train whistle distracted me. Then my half of my nose clogged and breathing or lack of breathing was distracting. I couldn't get comfortable... you name it and quiet time with my Savior just wasn't happening.
The longer I laid there, the more my heart and mind felt burdened. I knew that in order to meet with Jesus for some much needed one-on-one time, I would need to move myself from the present surroundings.
I grabbed a Hall's cough drop and I trotted myself to the downstairs couch.
It was freezing! I easily found 2 blankets and a pillow. I got all comfy and cozy and Jesus was right there waiting! But as much as I wanted to spend time with Him, I couldn't settle down the busy-ness in my head.
So, I just quietly laid there.
Come to find out I had an awful lot on my mind. My brain was racing! I was concerned for Jeff's sister & her family, I was distraught over finances and tithing, I was concerned for my earlier conversation with Andie, Alex's birthday is on a Wednesday and so is Survivor night with Laura & Joseph, and another college visit on a Wednesday in 2 weeks.
It was a serious battle. All of these issues kept swirling and swirling around in my head. They were such a mountain of distraction & noise that I could barely see Jesus and there was NO hearing from Him.
So I just laid there some more.
I was frustrated. I knew I needed time with Jesus, but the noise in my head sounded too loud, the mountain of issues in front of me seemed to great.
The longer I laid there, the quieter the noise became.
First up was Jeff's sister's family. Jesus reminded me He had already instructed me on this a few days ago. Why was I attempting to pick it up again? After several minutes I remember the Serenity Prayer. Yes, I remember, for now this is something I cannot change. I prayed for peace to settle this storm for now.
Then came finances and tithing. This was a giant pickle! I knew it, how could Christ fix this? I just sat with my turmoil and finally I simply heard, rested on the thought that "this is not for today." It's true, payday is not until Friday, worrying today will not help only deter the day's mission. Wow.
Conversation with Andie? Well that held the issue to really dive into. Yesterday afternoon God got me thinking about the Grace He offers to me every day. The challenge was strive to exemplify that same grace to those around me beginning with getting out of the car and walking into the house.
First I had a misunderstanding with Alex about dirty dishes that weren't hers, then a frustrating exchange with Andie and a short-tempered response to Jeff.... UGH this was all within 10 or 15 minutes of walking in the door.
Can you say "F-A-I-L?" Wow, miserably!! Now I had compounded the situation with guilt. Oh to be human!
I had failed in the moment. However, now at 330 in the morning, I was also aware and working through this with Jesus. What kept popping into my head was parts of yesterdays devotional verse in Matthew 11:28-30...."learn from me." I was in the perfect place for Him to teach and for me to learn.
I have a new perspective.
Then another phrase from yesterday's verse emerged....."for I am gentle and humble at heart." I definitely was not this! Oh dear. But I want to be.
Shortly thereafter I must have fallen asleep, because I awoke at 530am.
I am walking through today changed as a result of last night. Today I am more gentle and humble at heart. A long way from where I am sure God desires me to be, but I am more in Him than I was yesterday. Not because in the middle of the night He removed my burdens and made my world perfect. He didn't, not technically anyway.
I am more in Him because I spent time with Him, learning from Him and growing in relationship with Him. It's very good. I want to continue to learn from Him and grow in Him. I am thankful for my time with Him last night.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Burdened
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Last week was an interesting week. Starting with the prior Sunday, the tithing commitment that God asked for and I submitted to.
At the moment He asked, I didn't really think through the ramifications of all that would lie ahead. I knew only at that moment God was asking something from me. Having been down this road before I knew I wanted to follow. I knew I didn't want to be anywhere that God wasn't. So I took His hand and committed to financial tithing in the next pay period which would be October 12.
Last week could have been a financial disaster but as I followed God, He provided.
Looking back at last week, I believe God fully knew what I had committed to and that today, I would realize the impossibility of that commitment. God knew I would need the experiences with Him last week to help anchor me in Him.
I didn't see it then, but I see it now. As I have reviewed the finances for the approaching pay period I see there is no way to meet the financial obligation that exists without tithing. Add tithing in and it's beyond achievable. Although I suppose impossible is just impossible. Even $1.00 needed beyond what is in hand at any given moment is no more or no less impossible.
The verse above showed up in my Saturday quiet time devotion. I knew when I read it that it somehow pertained to last week and the week ahead, but I didn't have time to think about it. It kept coming back to me over the course of Saturday and Sunday.
And now here I am.
I think I usually read that first verse and miss the word burdened. I see the words "come," "weary," and "rest." Today, "weary" tried to overshadow again, but "burdened" battled to the forefront.
Today I read: Come to me, all who are burdened, and I will give you rest. Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
What is so wonderful about this verse as I see it today? It speaks perfectly to where I am and what I need to focus on.
I am feeling the financial burden. I see the financial impossibility of our situation and even still He promises rest for my soul. He is gentle, humble in heart and desires for me to learn from Him.
God created me, He knows me. He knows how I struggle to hold on to control even as everything is falling apart. Crazy, I know. Then last night Jeff and I had a random conversation that provided additional unrest regarding the stability of our financial future. Unfortunately this fueled my "desire-to-control" fire.
As I reviewed the next pay periods activity and saw the mountain in front of me, Matthew 11:28-30 popped back up.
I must walk away from all that binds. I must leave this burden with Him. To do so I need Him. Only Him and none of me. My heart must be transformed and trust Him.
Father , Christ says to "learn from Him." I desperately want to learn. Open my mind and my heart to Your teaching. I desire a pure heart, not a burdened heart. Father I know I cannot do this without You. In fact I cannot do this at all. I must surrender completely before You. Father this is Yours, but somehow I have made a mess of it. Father I don't ask You to clean this up because I made a mess. I come before You seeking a change of heart. Change me Father. Make me, mold me, I am Yours. Guide us into each decision. Father, I lay my life before Your throne, I ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me and guide me. Father I desire for You have complete control, that I may have the peace that accompanies. Father I don't know what to do so just as I give You all of me, I also give You Your monies. I pray for Your Wisdom and Your peace. Father I pray for Your strength and courage to follow as You guide, to grow in trust in perfect plan as Friday approaches. Father in You I take refuge and in You I trust. Father I am sorry for inexcusable disaster. Father I ask You to lead me. I want to grow in trust. Help me Father. Amen.
Last week was an interesting week. Starting with the prior Sunday, the tithing commitment that God asked for and I submitted to.
At the moment He asked, I didn't really think through the ramifications of all that would lie ahead. I knew only at that moment God was asking something from me. Having been down this road before I knew I wanted to follow. I knew I didn't want to be anywhere that God wasn't. So I took His hand and committed to financial tithing in the next pay period which would be October 12.
Last week could have been a financial disaster but as I followed God, He provided.
Looking back at last week, I believe God fully knew what I had committed to and that today, I would realize the impossibility of that commitment. God knew I would need the experiences with Him last week to help anchor me in Him.
I didn't see it then, but I see it now. As I have reviewed the finances for the approaching pay period I see there is no way to meet the financial obligation that exists without tithing. Add tithing in and it's beyond achievable. Although I suppose impossible is just impossible. Even $1.00 needed beyond what is in hand at any given moment is no more or no less impossible.
The verse above showed up in my Saturday quiet time devotion. I knew when I read it that it somehow pertained to last week and the week ahead, but I didn't have time to think about it. It kept coming back to me over the course of Saturday and Sunday.
And now here I am.
I think I usually read that first verse and miss the word burdened. I see the words "come," "weary," and "rest." Today, "weary" tried to overshadow again, but "burdened" battled to the forefront.
Today I read: Come to me, all who are burdened, and I will give you rest. Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
What is so wonderful about this verse as I see it today? It speaks perfectly to where I am and what I need to focus on.
I am feeling the financial burden. I see the financial impossibility of our situation and even still He promises rest for my soul. He is gentle, humble in heart and desires for me to learn from Him.
God created me, He knows me. He knows how I struggle to hold on to control even as everything is falling apart. Crazy, I know. Then last night Jeff and I had a random conversation that provided additional unrest regarding the stability of our financial future. Unfortunately this fueled my "desire-to-control" fire.
As I reviewed the next pay periods activity and saw the mountain in front of me, Matthew 11:28-30 popped back up.
I must walk away from all that binds. I must leave this burden with Him. To do so I need Him. Only Him and none of me. My heart must be transformed and trust Him.
Father , Christ says to "learn from Him." I desperately want to learn. Open my mind and my heart to Your teaching. I desire a pure heart, not a burdened heart. Father I know I cannot do this without You. In fact I cannot do this at all. I must surrender completely before You. Father this is Yours, but somehow I have made a mess of it. Father I don't ask You to clean this up because I made a mess. I come before You seeking a change of heart. Change me Father. Make me, mold me, I am Yours. Guide us into each decision. Father, I lay my life before Your throne, I ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me and guide me. Father I desire for You have complete control, that I may have the peace that accompanies. Father I don't know what to do so just as I give You all of me, I also give You Your monies. I pray for Your Wisdom and Your peace. Father I pray for Your strength and courage to follow as You guide, to grow in trust in perfect plan as Friday approaches. Father in You I take refuge and in You I trust. Father I am sorry for inexcusable disaster. Father I ask You to lead me. I want to grow in trust. Help me Father. Amen.
Friday, October 5, 2012
State of Heart
Oh where to begin?
The last six days have been a transformational culmination of the Spirit guiding me, speaking to my heart, asking me to change. This has been a process that began in July. I love when I grow in faith through obedience.
An obedient life with Christ is definitely an adventure and one which is full of growth opportunities, ever transforming. I love this life, but that doesn't always mean it's easy.
Back in July I realized I had moved in my daily relationship with Christ. I could see God using the daily devotion time with Cassie to draw me nearer to Him, then in August a spark fueled a fire when we followed God to visit Trader's Point Christian Church and the end of September daily devotion time with my husband was restored providing a wonderful time for us to share and grow together.
With each new encounter God has been moving in my heart.
Throughout all this growth, I knew I was holding onto a mess, a money mess. I kept having an uncomfortable feeling regarding our finances. I knew we were stretched too thin, we had too many obligations and I knew weren't tithing. I know this sounds very disobediently nuts, very sin-filled, you name it. Trust me I know! But still this is the truth of where I was and I didn't know where to begin to make changes. The mess seemed barely manageable with no room to give. I was holding on tight to a sinking ship. So I just lived with the voice of the Spirit reminding me of my disobedience and that I needed to change.
Not fun, but it's what I did.
Then six days ago, without knowing how disastrous our finances were about to become God spoke loud and clear.
We stayed home that Sunday to have Church as a family through the online streaming at Maryland Community Church. We have never done this, but it felt like that was where God wanted us that morning. It was a bit chaotic with grand-babies playing, technology malfunctions and breakfast.... but it was family, it was good and God was among us.
Honestly, with the atomosphere that was surrounding us, I didn't expect to receive any message that morning..... however, when God wants to speak to you, it really doesn't matter what's going on around you, somehow He takes center stage and He is all you will hear.
The message was on tithing. I wanted to pretend the sermon didn't hold a message for me. But the sermon went on and on until I heard. By the end I accepted God's invitation to turn the finances over to Him. I committed to the plan He laid before me.
My head knew this plan made no sense. This plan was not feasible nor possible from where I was sitting.
But my heart knew this was God's plan, He rarely works within the finite views of this world, and it was for God to sort out. This was for Him to manage, for me to follow and trust.
My head wanted to freak out, but instantaneously my heart's peace overruled! I do remember this whole exchange seemed bigger than I was understanding, but I was following Him and that's all I was holding onto.
Now to the days that followed. We experienced bizarre banking issues, one example is I overpaid Andie's lunch account by 3x the amount, I have never done this in four years! And there were more unexpected transactions that followed. By all rights our bank accounts should have been negative and absorbed 100's of dollars of fees. However, with God in control, He carefully orchestrated timing and dollars were always available for me to transfer. Nothing short of miraculous, we encountered no fees and I watched this week's banking with wide-eyed amazement.
Then came Thursday. We had a bill that absolutely had to be paid by 5pm Thursday or an even bigger mess would result. I thought the bill was $325. We tried all week to find a solution to help reduce the amount. I went to some quite extensive lengths trying to help God out. Then on Thursday when we couldn't find an alternative I called to verify the amount. OH NO!! The amount due is $711. Looks like God doesn't need our help after all, we needed His more than we knew!
If we didn't have the $325 then you can only imagine the impact of more than double that amount.
My eyes were immediately opened. I could see how God had moved three weeks ago knowing this day would come, I could see Him even more clearly through His message on Sunday compelling me to give Him control and the impact of my decision to follow Him even when it seemed impossible.
Not only did the money for the $711 became available, gas money for us and Alex was available, money for miscellaneous items for the Family Fall Festival on Sunday were available, and today funds were available for a special breakfast treat plus as an added bonus God cleared the traffic and lights from Danville to Terre Haute! It was funny because Jeff kept repeating every couple of miles "Where has the traffic gone today?" We can't outgive God, I knew exactly where the traffic had gone and it was no coincidence.
As I look back on the week there was more. God was moving all around me so that I would know I am truly in His care, that He will care perfectly for the troubles in my heart. This week I struggled alot with family relationships. The brokenness we are experiencing really makes me sad and this sadness threatened to overwhelm me this week. I still don't have answers about where these relationships are going but I do know that God gave me two things as a result:
1. He reminded me of the Serenity Prayer.
The last six days have been a transformational culmination of the Spirit guiding me, speaking to my heart, asking me to change. This has been a process that began in July. I love when I grow in faith through obedience.
An obedient life with Christ is definitely an adventure and one which is full of growth opportunities, ever transforming. I love this life, but that doesn't always mean it's easy.
Back in July I realized I had moved in my daily relationship with Christ. I could see God using the daily devotion time with Cassie to draw me nearer to Him, then in August a spark fueled a fire when we followed God to visit Trader's Point Christian Church and the end of September daily devotion time with my husband was restored providing a wonderful time for us to share and grow together.
With each new encounter God has been moving in my heart.
Throughout all this growth, I knew I was holding onto a mess, a money mess. I kept having an uncomfortable feeling regarding our finances. I knew we were stretched too thin, we had too many obligations and I knew weren't tithing. I know this sounds very disobediently nuts, very sin-filled, you name it. Trust me I know! But still this is the truth of where I was and I didn't know where to begin to make changes. The mess seemed barely manageable with no room to give. I was holding on tight to a sinking ship. So I just lived with the voice of the Spirit reminding me of my disobedience and that I needed to change.
Not fun, but it's what I did.
Then six days ago, without knowing how disastrous our finances were about to become God spoke loud and clear.
We stayed home that Sunday to have Church as a family through the online streaming at Maryland Community Church. We have never done this, but it felt like that was where God wanted us that morning. It was a bit chaotic with grand-babies playing, technology malfunctions and breakfast.... but it was family, it was good and God was among us.
Honestly, with the atomosphere that was surrounding us, I didn't expect to receive any message that morning..... however, when God wants to speak to you, it really doesn't matter what's going on around you, somehow He takes center stage and He is all you will hear.
The message was on tithing. I wanted to pretend the sermon didn't hold a message for me. But the sermon went on and on until I heard. By the end I accepted God's invitation to turn the finances over to Him. I committed to the plan He laid before me.
My head knew this plan made no sense. This plan was not feasible nor possible from where I was sitting.
But my heart knew this was God's plan, He rarely works within the finite views of this world, and it was for God to sort out. This was for Him to manage, for me to follow and trust.
My head wanted to freak out, but instantaneously my heart's peace overruled! I do remember this whole exchange seemed bigger than I was understanding, but I was following Him and that's all I was holding onto.
Now to the days that followed. We experienced bizarre banking issues, one example is I overpaid Andie's lunch account by 3x the amount, I have never done this in four years! And there were more unexpected transactions that followed. By all rights our bank accounts should have been negative and absorbed 100's of dollars of fees. However, with God in control, He carefully orchestrated timing and dollars were always available for me to transfer. Nothing short of miraculous, we encountered no fees and I watched this week's banking with wide-eyed amazement.
Then came Thursday. We had a bill that absolutely had to be paid by 5pm Thursday or an even bigger mess would result. I thought the bill was $325. We tried all week to find a solution to help reduce the amount. I went to some quite extensive lengths trying to help God out. Then on Thursday when we couldn't find an alternative I called to verify the amount. OH NO!! The amount due is $711. Looks like God doesn't need our help after all, we needed His more than we knew!
If we didn't have the $325 then you can only imagine the impact of more than double that amount.
My eyes were immediately opened. I could see how God had moved three weeks ago knowing this day would come, I could see Him even more clearly through His message on Sunday compelling me to give Him control and the impact of my decision to follow Him even when it seemed impossible.
Not only did the money for the $711 became available, gas money for us and Alex was available, money for miscellaneous items for the Family Fall Festival on Sunday were available, and today funds were available for a special breakfast treat plus as an added bonus God cleared the traffic and lights from Danville to Terre Haute! It was funny because Jeff kept repeating every couple of miles "Where has the traffic gone today?" We can't outgive God, I knew exactly where the traffic had gone and it was no coincidence.
As I look back on the week there was more. God was moving all around me so that I would know I am truly in His care, that He will care perfectly for the troubles in my heart. This week I struggled alot with family relationships. The brokenness we are experiencing really makes me sad and this sadness threatened to overwhelm me this week. I still don't have answers about where these relationships are going but I do know that God gave me two things as a result:
1. He reminded me of the Serenity Prayer.
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
God gently reminded me that not everything is always my fault. Everyone gets to make their own choices. Honestly, at the moment I don't feel that God is asking me to DO anything new regarding these relationships. What I have already done is all that I have been called to do right now. I am willing to do whatever He asks, and right now it is to wait. I must accept that today I cannot change this brokenness.
2. Once I came to the understanding above, He provided great encouragement and reassurance. For three weeks there has been no additional response to this Sunday's attendance at our familly event and then BOOM! Two families popped up with their RSVP. Thank you God!!! This transformed my heart!
I truly believe this entire week unfolded the way it did because of where God began working on me back in July and and because I took His hand each step of the way and followed.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for You declares the LORD, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans for hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for You declares the LORD, plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans for hope and a future.
Psalm 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.
I am sticking on these two verses today and living in a very awe-inspired, thankful place. I am growing in trust and faith. This is so good!
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Give Me Jesus
How is the best way to describe the experience of being human? I suppose the answer varies based upon how the day is going, what season of life you are in, or a whole host of many other variables.
If I were left on my own today, then today I would describe the experience of being human as the opportunity to be swallowed up by my own self-pity; overwhelming confusion brought on by the actions and decisions of those who choose to not have a relationship with me or most of the immediate family; to be human and without guidance I would crawl up on the couch, watch it rain and feel no joy.
Thankfully, I am not a human who is left to my own devices and understanding. I am a child of God and He doesn't leave me in these dark places too long.
Even though I did want to host & attend my personal pity party, I was also conflicted and trying to understand how I could host such a party when I knew the life Jesus lived and ultimately He died for us all. Jesus was mocked, insulted, beaten, falsely tried and then suffered crucifixion for each of us. But I'm stuck and I don't know how to move from this space, these emotions & thoughts.
Father, help me please. I can not do this on my own.
Then immediately on the radio I heard this song by Building 429
I am so thankful to be reminded that this is NOT where I belong. Take this world and all that it holds, Father, give me Jesus.
To sing the words of this song and mean them from the very bottom of your soul, is powerful. It is transforming. It puts everything in perspective!
Thank You Father, thank You! Through Christ I come. Amen.
Today is truly a reflection of Matthew 19:26 With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible..
Before crying out to God, I knew where my head and heart were. I could not see a way through, not on my own. But going before the throne and seeking Him, asking Him to transform my heart and my thoughts...
Well all I can say is in my own hands it would be impossible for me to move from where I was. But in the hands of God, not only is moving possible, it was instantaneous and complete.
I am beyond thankful. I am thankful for a God who can speak to me perfectly in any moment. I am thankful for the lyrics that God provided through Building 429. I am thankful for my relationship with Christ. This relationship is so vital to me surviving and thriving in this world. I would not be who I am today without Christ, without the Holy Spirit. I am blessed beyond what I deserve and because of this I want to extend the love of Christ to all those around me. Father, You know the current family dynamic. I have no answers. But Father, these broken relationships stand like a gaping open wound in our family. Father I commit each of us into Your hands for You to mold and to make and to move in and among us. Father grant us each Your guidance and Your compassion for one another that You would be glorified through each interaction. Father through Christ I come with open heart and mind. Father lead the way. Amen.
If I were left on my own today, then today I would describe the experience of being human as the opportunity to be swallowed up by my own self-pity; overwhelming confusion brought on by the actions and decisions of those who choose to not have a relationship with me or most of the immediate family; to be human and without guidance I would crawl up on the couch, watch it rain and feel no joy.
Thankfully, I am not a human who is left to my own devices and understanding. I am a child of God and He doesn't leave me in these dark places too long.
Even though I did want to host & attend my personal pity party, I was also conflicted and trying to understand how I could host such a party when I knew the life Jesus lived and ultimately He died for us all. Jesus was mocked, insulted, beaten, falsely tried and then suffered crucifixion for each of us. But I'm stuck and I don't know how to move from this space, these emotions & thoughts.
Father, help me please. I can not do this on my own.
Then immediately on the radio I heard this song by Building 429
I am so thankful to be reminded that this is NOT where I belong. Take this world and all that it holds, Father, give me Jesus.
To sing the words of this song and mean them from the very bottom of your soul, is powerful. It is transforming. It puts everything in perspective!
Thank You Father, thank You! Through Christ I come. Amen.
Today is truly a reflection of Matthew 19:26 With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible..
Before crying out to God, I knew where my head and heart were. I could not see a way through, not on my own. But going before the throne and seeking Him, asking Him to transform my heart and my thoughts...
Well all I can say is in my own hands it would be impossible for me to move from where I was. But in the hands of God, not only is moving possible, it was instantaneous and complete.
I am beyond thankful. I am thankful for a God who can speak to me perfectly in any moment. I am thankful for the lyrics that God provided through Building 429. I am thankful for my relationship with Christ. This relationship is so vital to me surviving and thriving in this world. I would not be who I am today without Christ, without the Holy Spirit. I am blessed beyond what I deserve and because of this I want to extend the love of Christ to all those around me. Father, You know the current family dynamic. I have no answers. But Father, these broken relationships stand like a gaping open wound in our family. Father I commit each of us into Your hands for You to mold and to make and to move in and among us. Father grant us each Your guidance and Your compassion for one another that You would be glorified through each interaction. Father through Christ I come with open heart and mind. Father lead the way. Amen.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Courage & Hope
Today this verse jumped at me.
The wording was compelling me to dig deeper. Not sure why I am digging deeper, but I am following. Key words above “be strong” and “take to heart” are really the driving forces. So onto additional translations and dictionaries I go for some major dissection.
The KJV resonates a more even tone. So I am parking here.
Be ~ to do, a state of being
Good ~ in classical as well as biblical Greek, ‘noble’, ‘honorable’, ‘admirable’, ‘worthy’
Courage ~ be strong, have the ability to accomplish what is intended, implying an element of resolve is needed as well strengthen, become powerful, conquer, triumph, formally, be strong, i.e., to defeat an enemy and so have authority over them
Strengthen ~ to make stronger
Heart ~ the term is used of the centre of things
Hope ~ Hope is not a matter of temperament, nor is it conditioned by prevailing circumstances or any human possibilities. It does not depend upon what a man possesses, upon what he may be able to do for himself, or upon what any other human being may do for him. Biblical hope is inseparable therefore from faith in God. Because of what God has done and is now doing through Christ, the Christian dares to expect future blessings at present invisible (2 Cor. 1:10 ). The goodness of God is for him, never exhausted. The best is still to be. His hope is increased as he reflects on the activities of God in the Scriptures.
So now what? If I put this verse back together after dissecting it, how does it read….
I need to exist in a state of being through my faith in Christ Jesus, prepared to accomplish what is intended and by living in this state of being God will make me stronger from the very center of my being. By knowing the goodness of God is for them, never exhausted, with the best yet to be, I will truly have the hope of the LORD. By having this hope I will be able to pursue this state of being, always prepared to act and be strengthened.
What a perfect circle, where each segment connects the next and cannot be completed without the part before or the part after.
What a perfect circle, where each segment connects the next and cannot be completed without the part before or the part after.
Perfectly and exactly God!
So what did I learn?
Tying together yesterday’s verse about finding strength through trust, today I can add courage and hope.
I hadn’t thought about the intentionality of courage. I am well aware of the fear that always makes itself present when deciding if and how to respond to given situations. However, I don’t think I’ve ever faced fear from a mindset that I was already in a state of being with God and prepared to accomplish what was intended. I find this intriguing. Whatever is before me, I simply need to trust God has been where I was, God is with me now, God will be in the next moment also, God holds the plan, God’s will shall prevail….. I just need to be prepared to follow Him to accomplish what He intended.
Fear becomes small, if non-existent.
Fear becomes small, if non-existent.
In placing my hope in God, the goodness of God is for me, never exhausted. The best is still to be. My hope is increased as I reflect on the activities of God in the Scriptures, the activities of God in my life and follow Him in each moment.
Yahweh is means ‘to be’, meaning ‘he is (alive, present, and active)’ or ‘he brings into being.”
I need to live each day as though I was already enjoying the blessings of heaven. I am depriving myself of one of a great treasure from God when I lose this perspective and become bogged down with the silly details of earthly living or chained by fear.
Father, I almost feel like I am rambling, but yet I also feel like you are trying to get me to move to new thinking. I don’t know whether it is for today or something I will face tomorrow. Either way, I don’t want to miss Your message, I want to learn and to be prepared. Please take this and move in my heart and mind so that I may clearly hear. Father in You alone can I be prepared and courageous and from You alone will I find hope and strength. I love you father and anticipate more of You this day. Amen.
Monday, September 24, 2012
God vs Satan: Feeling tired?
Isaiah 30:15 In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength.
Through my personal belief of Jesus as the Son of God, I have received salvation and from my salvation springs repentance and rest.
When I become aware of something I need to turn from, well that becomes my focus. I love repentance and the freedom that comes from it.
Honestly though? I mean really honest!
I never thought about the rest that I receive through salvation.
I never thought about quietness and trust providing strength.
I take rest and quietness for granted and as a result I didn't think my trust needed cultivated. I thought my strength would just always "be."
We have had a pretty hectic on-again-short-break-on-again life since late April. But even prior to this new level of chaos, I had not made time for rest or quietness in quite some time.
The affects of our schedule have truly taken their toll on my mind, body and Spirit.
The thought bouncing around in my head is "I'm tired, I need to do nothing for awhile."
Doesn't that seem like a simple solution to my problem? My extreme tiredness really came full force this weekend and until today, doing nothing seemed to make sense and carry a truthful resolution for my tiredness. Doing nothing may have seemed harmless but if I had believed and followed down this path I would be seriously detouring from the path God would choose for me. This thought bouncing around in my head is a lie!
This weekend I said a couple of times, "I need quiet," "I am enjoying the quietness of this moment," "LORD, please surround me in quiet." Around 7am on Sunday I remember being desperate for quietness. It felt comparable to needing water when feeling dehydrated. I remember the urgent need for quietness, but I hadn't received full understanding yet.
This morning when I read Isaiah 30:15 I see my All-Knowing Father opening His pathway for me.
After reading this verse I see Satan was offering his own different pathway through the false path he offered. If I had believed the lie, I would have defined "do nothing" as mindless TV, more sleep, hibernating and being anti-social.
Truth is I may be tired and want to do nothing, but there has never been a more critical time to NOT do nothing but instead to do something, be intentional. Isaiah 30:15 provides clear remedy for this Spiritual dehydration & exhaustion I am feeling.
I need to make time for rest, it is a gift from my salvation.
I need to renew my strength by seeking quietness so I can hear from Him, be challenged by Him and grow in trust.
By making a priority to seek quietness and rest in my Father through my I will be strengthened. I will truly become rested in and through Him.
I am so thankful to be able to see the lie before me and also find the path that God provides perfectly to keep me near Him.
Dear Heavenly Father, I am so very tired. Just as You have exposed the lie, I need help in defining quiet space and time. I know what this time looked like before, but now my life has changed. I seek You, I need Your perfect ordering of my day. Please show me where rest and quietness fit naturally. Father, prepare Jeff for this reordering of days. I pray He will benefit from they days You lay before us or hears the ordering of the day You have for him as we. Father I am so thankful for this life You have given us. Lead us now each day. In Christ I come, Amen.
Through my personal belief of Jesus as the Son of God, I have received salvation and from my salvation springs repentance and rest.
When I become aware of something I need to turn from, well that becomes my focus. I love repentance and the freedom that comes from it.
Honestly though? I mean really honest!
I never thought about the rest that I receive through salvation.
I never thought about quietness and trust providing strength.
I take rest and quietness for granted and as a result I didn't think my trust needed cultivated. I thought my strength would just always "be."
We have had a pretty hectic on-again-short-break-on-again life since late April. But even prior to this new level of chaos, I had not made time for rest or quietness in quite some time.
The affects of our schedule have truly taken their toll on my mind, body and Spirit.
The thought bouncing around in my head is "I'm tired, I need to do nothing for awhile."
Doesn't that seem like a simple solution to my problem? My extreme tiredness really came full force this weekend and until today, doing nothing seemed to make sense and carry a truthful resolution for my tiredness. Doing nothing may have seemed harmless but if I had believed and followed down this path I would be seriously detouring from the path God would choose for me. This thought bouncing around in my head is a lie!
This weekend I said a couple of times, "I need quiet," "I am enjoying the quietness of this moment," "LORD, please surround me in quiet." Around 7am on Sunday I remember being desperate for quietness. It felt comparable to needing water when feeling dehydrated. I remember the urgent need for quietness, but I hadn't received full understanding yet.
This morning when I read Isaiah 30:15 I see my All-Knowing Father opening His pathway for me.
After reading this verse I see Satan was offering his own different pathway through the false path he offered. If I had believed the lie, I would have defined "do nothing" as mindless TV, more sleep, hibernating and being anti-social.
Truth is I may be tired and want to do nothing, but there has never been a more critical time to NOT do nothing but instead to do something, be intentional. Isaiah 30:15 provides clear remedy for this Spiritual dehydration & exhaustion I am feeling.
I need to make time for rest, it is a gift from my salvation.
I need to renew my strength by seeking quietness so I can hear from Him, be challenged by Him and grow in trust.
By making a priority to seek quietness and rest in my Father through my I will be strengthened. I will truly become rested in and through Him.
I am so thankful to be able to see the lie before me and also find the path that God provides perfectly to keep me near Him.
Dear Heavenly Father, I am so very tired. Just as You have exposed the lie, I need help in defining quiet space and time. I know what this time looked like before, but now my life has changed. I seek You, I need Your perfect ordering of my day. Please show me where rest and quietness fit naturally. Father, prepare Jeff for this reordering of days. I pray He will benefit from they days You lay before us or hears the ordering of the day You have for him as we. Father I am so thankful for this life You have given us. Lead us now each day. In Christ I come, Amen.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
Face to Face with Jesus
Chorus to "I Can Only Imagine" by Mercy Me
Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all
I can only imagine
I have loved this song since I first heard it. Generally it moves me to tears wondering what will I do when I come face to face with Jesus one day.
Today I read in Revelation John's account of coming face to face with Jesus.
Revelation 1:17 When I saw Him, I fell at His feet as though dead.
This speaks volumes and after I finished reading this brief line I was in awe. When I hear "I Can Only Imagine" the next time I think I will have a different experience. I don't know what exactly, but I know it will be different after reading about John's encounter.
Then I read:
Revelation 1:18 Then He placed His right hand on me and said, "Do not be afraid."
These two verses are an account of how John responded when He came face to face with Jesus and in turn how Jesus responded to John.
At first I started thinking about what it would be like to come face to face with Jesus and then I remembered my own face to face encounter. I have always looked back to this moment with Holy eyes, as an invitation, but never as a face to face encounter. I'm not sure why, but I am thankful to see with new eyes today.
When I first moved to Kentucky I felt drawn to attend a Methodist Church on the other side of the county. Definitely not convenient, but it was there I was compelled to attend. I went without exception as often as they had the doors open. I couldn't get enough. For me, the draw was unexplainable, but I wasn't questioning. Only following.
Then as odd as it seems now, this Methodist Church that I was drawn too, hosted a four night revival. This is so NOT a Methodist thing to do, but I didn't know that then. I simply went. The first night there were probably ten or so in attendance and the numbers dwindled each night after.
On the final night of the revival I was going to have to take my two daughters and my nephew if I wanted to attend. Their ages were 5, 2 and 1. Attending this night was by no means convenient. But still I went. I took the children to the baby room and sat with them in there. I could hear the words through the speakers in the room. Once the speaking was over they did an altar call.
My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might pound a hole in my chest. The church had issued an altarr call, but Jesus was personally inviting me. It was overwhelming, exciting and simultaneously terrifying. He just wanted me to take His hand and follow Him to the altar.
I said I couldn't, what about the children? He said "don't worry."
I said I can't, I'm not worthy. He said "come."
I said "You can't mean me?" He said, "Jill."
I said "I'm scared." He said "Don't be afraid."
At this moment I had nothing. I remember taking the steps myself out of that room and to the aisle of the church. When I reached the aisle, there He was and from that moment on I have never been alone.
I took His hand and He walked me to the altar. I wept, He loved. I confessed, He forgave. I believed, He accepted. I have never been the same.
I pray everyone remembers when they came face to face with Jesus that first time and holds the memory close to their heart. And for all those that have yet to come face to face, I pray they would soon have this life-changing meeting. I cannot imagine my life without Christ and pray I am an available vessel when God chooses to reach out to anyone on my path. I pray no one would perish without first coming face to face with Jesus so that they too may decide who they believe Him to be. To God be the Glory and may Christ extend to all those throughout this earth before they take their last breath. Amen.
UGH!
1 Corinthians 1:8-10a We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again.
My happy place is always invaded by Satan! UGH!
I was in such a place of anticipation and excitement just hours ago. Enjoying the place that God had lead me to in this season.
Then a phone call. New insights, different perspectives.
Then Satan saunters on the scene and starts rattling around in my head. AND HERE comes guilt, sadness, questioning.
I won't pretend to say I am facing anything even remotely close to what the disciples in Asia were experiencing. But I would describe my current situation as troublesome.
To run across the verse above I am encouraged beyond belief. Taking God at His word, He is reminding me that He has lead me to this season and I must rely on Him. He raises the dead, He can do anything. I must remember what He has already done in my life and KNOW that He has more still to do and WILL DO what He plans.
Then my mind was directed to James 1
2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Crazy as it may sound, I did find joy in this situation after reading the verses from Corinthians and then those from James above!! I knew God would test me, strengthen me in faith throughout this season and most definitely I knew in Him I would become more mature, more complete, lack less. Why would I be surprised that Satan entered so soon after I identified I was exactly where God wanted me!
And then I read further in James 1
5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
I was on the wave of the sea and I felt blown & tossed about! These two verses instructed me so well only a few years ago and now at the onset of this new path, God has placed them in the very front of my mind.
I see now I need to be thankful I am exactly where God wants me to be but I need to very conscious and deliberate about the time I spend with my LORD in order to persevere and serve Him well during this time.
Heavenly Father, thank You for staying so close and guiding me. Thank You for always providing the perfect words to clear the rattling. And now I come before You Father desperately seeking Your wisdom, preparation, perspective and direction. I cannot do this on my own. I know that You have a plan that incorporates what is good for each one of us and I know that I can only be effective if I follow You. I ABSOLUTELY need less of me and more of You. I surrender me, all of me so that all of me might be filled with all of You. I will take things personal, will act and speak from offense, but if I am not present then only Your wisdom and perfection will prevail. We need this for I will surely make a mess! I do not want to be responsible for that. I want to be responsible for giving You full reign to work through me for Your glory. You and Your will alone must prevail. You and You alone. In and through Christ I surrender unto You and know in Your hands we will all be provided for perfectly. I am Yours and Yours alone. Amen
My happy place is always invaded by Satan! UGH!
I was in such a place of anticipation and excitement just hours ago. Enjoying the place that God had lead me to in this season.
Then a phone call. New insights, different perspectives.
Then Satan saunters on the scene and starts rattling around in my head. AND HERE comes guilt, sadness, questioning.
I won't pretend to say I am facing anything even remotely close to what the disciples in Asia were experiencing. But I would describe my current situation as troublesome.
To run across the verse above I am encouraged beyond belief. Taking God at His word, He is reminding me that He has lead me to this season and I must rely on Him. He raises the dead, He can do anything. I must remember what He has already done in my life and KNOW that He has more still to do and WILL DO what He plans.
Then my mind was directed to James 1
2-3 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Crazy as it may sound, I did find joy in this situation after reading the verses from Corinthians and then those from James above!! I knew God would test me, strengthen me in faith throughout this season and most definitely I knew in Him I would become more mature, more complete, lack less. Why would I be surprised that Satan entered so soon after I identified I was exactly where God wanted me!
And then I read further in James 1
5-6 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.
I was on the wave of the sea and I felt blown & tossed about! These two verses instructed me so well only a few years ago and now at the onset of this new path, God has placed them in the very front of my mind.
I see now I need to be thankful I am exactly where God wants me to be but I need to very conscious and deliberate about the time I spend with my LORD in order to persevere and serve Him well during this time.
Heavenly Father, thank You for staying so close and guiding me. Thank You for always providing the perfect words to clear the rattling. And now I come before You Father desperately seeking Your wisdom, preparation, perspective and direction. I cannot do this on my own. I know that You have a plan that incorporates what is good for each one of us and I know that I can only be effective if I follow You. I ABSOLUTELY need less of me and more of You. I surrender me, all of me so that all of me might be filled with all of You. I will take things personal, will act and speak from offense, but if I am not present then only Your wisdom and perfection will prevail. We need this for I will surely make a mess! I do not want to be responsible for that. I want to be responsible for giving You full reign to work through me for Your glory. You and Your will alone must prevail. You and You alone. In and through Christ I surrender unto You and know in Your hands we will all be provided for perfectly. I am Yours and Yours alone. Amen
Those Who Belong to the Family of Believers
Galatians 6:10
The Message ~ Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.
NIV ~ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong too the family of believers.
This was the last verse of my morning devotion today. It has really stuck with me.
There are lots of motivational phrases out there about how we can impact change the world. Lots of discussion on what we should or should not do. And eyes always watching from inside the Church as well as outside.
Love doesn't begin outwards and work itself in, it begins inwards and spreads like rapid fire! I have always believed this. It begins with your relationships with Christ and Christ directs it from there.
I have felt God calling me over the last year to scale back my involvement over the summer and come fall not be involved in the Student Ministry on Sunday evenings. Even though I could see how He was making a way, still I questioned. I doubted. I was confused. Why would He call me away? Timing just didn't make sense. But I hesitantly followed. I was in and out over the summer and submitted my notice of change in role before the fall ministry began.
Always, as it is with God.... His plan was perfect! Once I took the necessary steps my eyes were opened and I have been filled with great peace.
When I look back over the summer, I see I was called elsewhere. We visited with Mary & Woodrow, we attended church and lunch with them, Katie had a wedding that we had roughly 5 or 6 weeks to plan. There a was baby shower for dear friend's daughter in Kentucky, Jacob, AJ and Paige all graduated. I had to be alert and care for the needs of Jeff, Laura, Joseph, the babies, Katie, Cliff, Alex, David, Andie & Brandon as I was called to serve. And there was also tiredness from the demand.
The very first Sunday of Student Ministry that I would miss, God surrounded me and filled our home with Jeff, Andie, Brandon, Alex, David, Laura, Joseph and the babies! To have left in the midst of everyone would not have felt right. Yes, I was right where I was needed.
God has been moving in me over the last year to define His ministry within me to focus on our family first. He is needed with each of them, I am needed with each of them. Moving toward an orchestrated and unified effort and focusing on our family as ministry began to make perfect sense.
This week we enjoyed three nights in Terre Haute, albeit 2 were because the car was broken and Jeff needed to fix it where it died. Even still, my time was spent inside with Laura, Joseph and the babies. We saw Fran and Doug. We were all able to talk and fellowship, grow in relationship, and support one another. This weekend we have a party with Fran's family, who knows who will be at the house, Jeff & I have a marriage retreat, next week is fixing Katie's internet and a college visit with Andie. Alex is pursuing her real estate license and finishes next week. Woodrow started chemo this week and we're planning a visit soon. A cousin's shower in a week and planning our fall family cookout to celebrate Bob's birthday.
Things are not perfect and I know I am A LONG way from meeting all the needs of those I consider family but I am at least travelling this path. My biggest struggle may be learning balance or juggling, teaching at the varying levels and doing so in Love. But I am also quite sure God has plans to teach me or reveal to me something new as I travel this path. This is always exciting!
I am thankful God knows me perfectly and began to move in my heart and mind months ago! He knew what it would take for me to be prepared to follow Him into this next adventure. God used today's verse a guiding light to define this new adventure and solidify that this is my Father's will.
While travelling this path my focus narrows or broadens depending your perspective from Student Ministry to my community of faith and family of believers. How wonderful it is to have God define my path. By focusing my efforts and attention on those who belong to my community of faith and my family of believers, my ministry just got a whole lot bigger. It will be even more important to walk each day with Christ, studying His word, knowing His voice, listening for His guidance, and responding when called and as directed.
Father, You know my heart. Thank You is inadequate for what I feel, but all that I have to offer. Through Christ, Amen.
The Message ~ Right now, therefore, every time we get the chance, let us work for the benefit of all, starting with the people closest to us in the community of faith.
NIV ~ Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong too the family of believers.
This was the last verse of my morning devotion today. It has really stuck with me.
There are lots of motivational phrases out there about how we can impact change the world. Lots of discussion on what we should or should not do. And eyes always watching from inside the Church as well as outside.
Love doesn't begin outwards and work itself in, it begins inwards and spreads like rapid fire! I have always believed this. It begins with your relationships with Christ and Christ directs it from there.
I have felt God calling me over the last year to scale back my involvement over the summer and come fall not be involved in the Student Ministry on Sunday evenings. Even though I could see how He was making a way, still I questioned. I doubted. I was confused. Why would He call me away? Timing just didn't make sense. But I hesitantly followed. I was in and out over the summer and submitted my notice of change in role before the fall ministry began.
Always, as it is with God.... His plan was perfect! Once I took the necessary steps my eyes were opened and I have been filled with great peace.
When I look back over the summer, I see I was called elsewhere. We visited with Mary & Woodrow, we attended church and lunch with them, Katie had a wedding that we had roughly 5 or 6 weeks to plan. There a was baby shower for dear friend's daughter in Kentucky, Jacob, AJ and Paige all graduated. I had to be alert and care for the needs of Jeff, Laura, Joseph, the babies, Katie, Cliff, Alex, David, Andie & Brandon as I was called to serve. And there was also tiredness from the demand.
The very first Sunday of Student Ministry that I would miss, God surrounded me and filled our home with Jeff, Andie, Brandon, Alex, David, Laura, Joseph and the babies! To have left in the midst of everyone would not have felt right. Yes, I was right where I was needed.
God has been moving in me over the last year to define His ministry within me to focus on our family first. He is needed with each of them, I am needed with each of them. Moving toward an orchestrated and unified effort and focusing on our family as ministry began to make perfect sense.
This week we enjoyed three nights in Terre Haute, albeit 2 were because the car was broken and Jeff needed to fix it where it died. Even still, my time was spent inside with Laura, Joseph and the babies. We saw Fran and Doug. We were all able to talk and fellowship, grow in relationship, and support one another. This weekend we have a party with Fran's family, who knows who will be at the house, Jeff & I have a marriage retreat, next week is fixing Katie's internet and a college visit with Andie. Alex is pursuing her real estate license and finishes next week. Woodrow started chemo this week and we're planning a visit soon. A cousin's shower in a week and planning our fall family cookout to celebrate Bob's birthday.
Things are not perfect and I know I am A LONG way from meeting all the needs of those I consider family but I am at least travelling this path. My biggest struggle may be learning balance or juggling, teaching at the varying levels and doing so in Love. But I am also quite sure God has plans to teach me or reveal to me something new as I travel this path. This is always exciting!
I am thankful God knows me perfectly and began to move in my heart and mind months ago! He knew what it would take for me to be prepared to follow Him into this next adventure. God used today's verse a guiding light to define this new adventure and solidify that this is my Father's will.
While travelling this path my focus narrows or broadens depending your perspective from Student Ministry to my community of faith and family of believers. How wonderful it is to have God define my path. By focusing my efforts and attention on those who belong to my community of faith and my family of believers, my ministry just got a whole lot bigger. It will be even more important to walk each day with Christ, studying His word, knowing His voice, listening for His guidance, and responding when called and as directed.
Father, You know my heart. Thank You is inadequate for what I feel, but all that I have to offer. Through Christ, Amen.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Word Vomit..... again
I am thankful I haven't experienced word vomit in awhile!! It doesn't taste good in my mouth or coming out. It's not appealing to witness. The flavor always lingers for awhile. Plain and simple it's yucky!
I knew I had experienced Word Vomit before, because I had written about it. I am thankful that as I grow in relationship with Christ, I grow from my old ways. In the past I believe experienced frequent bouts of Word Vomit. Thankfully the recurrence of such episodes have become farther apart. June 14, 2010 was the last time I was seen spewing such vile.
I do despise that I am here again, but thankful to recognize my behavior and turn from it.
Last night Laura & I were talking about our concerns for Katie. I mentioned that Katie didn't want us upstairs because in Katie's words "nobody should come to her house, it was terrible." I continued to say "it was just cleaned beautifully a month ago, how could it be that bad? What had she been doing?"
The minute the words came out they had a strange taste. But conversation moved on and though the taste remained I didn't address it. Last night at bedtime these words from earlier in the evening were rumbling around and still not sitting well. So I sat quietly with my thoughts.
Then I realized what I had done.
I was concerned and fearful Katie's house had returned to the condition it had been in many months ago. It made me sad for Katie and for Cliff. It made we worried for Katie. Concerned for her depression, her medication, etc. However, I never mentioned that part in my conversation. Bu leaving out that critical and clarifying statement my words sounded very judgemental and as though my expectations for housekeeping are quite high.
Anyone who knows me, knows this couldn't be farther from the truth. In all honesty, I would love if my house were clean, everything in it's place, dusted, swept, mopped and laundry all done and put away! However this is just not my reality. Never has been. I would like things in order, but that rarely happens.
It's not the cleaning part that concerns me with Katie. My real concern is that Katie has expectations for herself and her life with Cliff. I am concerned she may not fully understand the work required behind achieving those expectations. I am concerned she may hold the view that life is easier for everyone else and hers would be better "if only."
I feel stuck. I want so much for her and her life with Cliff. I am not sure how to help I and desperately want to.
The Word Vomit that I emitted yesterday did not reflect me or my feelings well. I hate that! I am so thankful that my Father holds me accountable and brings my words and actions back to me so that I might learn and grow.
Hebrews 6:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on in good deeds and love.
Father even though I know the meaning behind my spoken words, thank You for revealing to me how it might have been heard. I lay my words at Your feet and ask for Your forgiveness as I know my words preceded Your restraint. When there is more of me and less of You, I always lead myself into a mess. By failing to clarify, my chosen words misrepresented me & Your presence in my life. They did not display love. Father, thank You for reminding me on the dangers and power of my tongue. Restrain me and grant me forethought in speaking. Through Christ, I come. Amen
I knew I had experienced Word Vomit before, because I had written about it. I am thankful that as I grow in relationship with Christ, I grow from my old ways. In the past I believe experienced frequent bouts of Word Vomit. Thankfully the recurrence of such episodes have become farther apart. June 14, 2010 was the last time I was seen spewing such vile.
I do despise that I am here again, but thankful to recognize my behavior and turn from it.
Last night Laura & I were talking about our concerns for Katie. I mentioned that Katie didn't want us upstairs because in Katie's words "nobody should come to her house, it was terrible." I continued to say "it was just cleaned beautifully a month ago, how could it be that bad? What had she been doing?"
The minute the words came out they had a strange taste. But conversation moved on and though the taste remained I didn't address it. Last night at bedtime these words from earlier in the evening were rumbling around and still not sitting well. So I sat quietly with my thoughts.
Then I realized what I had done.
I was concerned and fearful Katie's house had returned to the condition it had been in many months ago. It made me sad for Katie and for Cliff. It made we worried for Katie. Concerned for her depression, her medication, etc. However, I never mentioned that part in my conversation. Bu leaving out that critical and clarifying statement my words sounded very judgemental and as though my expectations for housekeeping are quite high.
Anyone who knows me, knows this couldn't be farther from the truth. In all honesty, I would love if my house were clean, everything in it's place, dusted, swept, mopped and laundry all done and put away! However this is just not my reality. Never has been. I would like things in order, but that rarely happens.
It's not the cleaning part that concerns me with Katie. My real concern is that Katie has expectations for herself and her life with Cliff. I am concerned she may not fully understand the work required behind achieving those expectations. I am concerned she may hold the view that life is easier for everyone else and hers would be better "if only."
I feel stuck. I want so much for her and her life with Cliff. I am not sure how to help I and desperately want to.
The Word Vomit that I emitted yesterday did not reflect me or my feelings well. I hate that! I am so thankful that my Father holds me accountable and brings my words and actions back to me so that I might learn and grow.
Hebrews 6:24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on in good deeds and love.
Father even though I know the meaning behind my spoken words, thank You for revealing to me how it might have been heard. I lay my words at Your feet and ask for Your forgiveness as I know my words preceded Your restraint. When there is more of me and less of You, I always lead myself into a mess. By failing to clarify, my chosen words misrepresented me & Your presence in my life. They did not display love. Father, thank You for reminding me on the dangers and power of my tongue. Restrain me and grant me forethought in speaking. Through Christ, I come. Amen
Friday, September 14, 2012
Enough is Enough & Too Much is Nasty
Exodus 16:
4 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.
31 The people of Israel called the bread manna. It was white like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey.
16 This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Each one is to gather as much as he needs. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’”
18-20 And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed. Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.” However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell.
I know a wonderful lady who has said this for years "enough is enough and too much is nasty." Yes, the one and only, Mary Herald. I don't know if anyone outside of her family knows her phrase, but I do know that her entire family, at least all the children and grandchildren know it without question.....Enough is enough and too much is nasty! It always makes me smile to think of her.
God is using Mary's phrase-that-makes-me-smile, to show me the significance of where I have wandered recently.
I never thought of her quote with biblical meaning until today.
Several months ago Jeff and I began a journey of healthy eating and exercise. Our new food choices would eliminate all processed and refined foods. Eating only what God provided for us that's found naturally on His earth.
How our bodies felt was nothing short of amazing and good and healthy. The food we ate was incredible. Sometimes even indescribable in taste, but always magnificent.
And then life got busy and we fell back into some of our old habits. We were eating processed foods, refined sugars, even eating fast food!
Today, as I sluggishly got ready for work I could feel the effects of these not-so-healthy choices. I was officially miserable. I think I even felt more miserable than when we first started because now I know what it's like to feel good.
Riding into work I started to think about Miss Mary's phrase. Enough is enough and too much is nasty. I have been living this out in food. Yes, we have been eating too much AND the "too much" was very UNhealthy stuff. Stuff from man, definitely not found naturally on God's beautiful earth.
Yes, too much was certainly nasty. Nasty for me and nasty in how I now feel. UGH. Why do I do this!?!?!?
God provided perfectly for the Israelites. And He didn't just provide some make-do-with-this product. God gave them a white wafer-like substance that tasted like honey. White, crunchy, sweet perfection. However, some Israelites tested God and took too much manna and guess what? They experienced nasty! God's nasty is really nasty! By morning it was full of maggots and smelled. Yikes, too much is definitely nasty.
Thankfully, I am not full of maggots and I don't think I smell. But I think I feel like the physical equivalent.
Enough is enough and too much is nasty.
Why would I ever change from such wonderful, delicious and healthy eating? Laziness? Rebellion? Time? Life? Stupidity? Priorities? yes! Yes! YES! All of them I am sure!
My step-daughter Laura posted a quote that has stuck with me all day: "If you're tired of starting over, STOP giving up."
UGH! That's totally the bottom line. I gave up! Now I must start again.
I am so thankful for God's word, for His teaching, for placing people in my life that know just what words to provide that will enforce what God wants me to grasp.
I'm getting there. No more maggots & smelliness. Not for us! We are putting our plan back in place on Monday. We've already discussed it and once again we will feel good.
I pray we won't ever give up to the point of stopping. I pray we persevere and draw near to God in the process. I pray that with all our choices we would see God revealed anew. Amen.
4 Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions.
31 The people of Israel called the bread manna. It was white like coriander seed and tasted like wafers made with honey.
16 This is what the Lord has commanded: ‘Each one is to gather as much as he needs. Take an omer for each person you have in your tent.’”
18-20 And when they measured it by the omer, he who gathered much did not have too much, and he who gathered little did not have too little. Each one gathered as much as he needed. Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.” However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell.
I know a wonderful lady who has said this for years "enough is enough and too much is nasty." Yes, the one and only, Mary Herald. I don't know if anyone outside of her family knows her phrase, but I do know that her entire family, at least all the children and grandchildren know it without question.....Enough is enough and too much is nasty! It always makes me smile to think of her.
God is using Mary's phrase-that-makes-me-smile, to show me the significance of where I have wandered recently.
I never thought of her quote with biblical meaning until today.
Several months ago Jeff and I began a journey of healthy eating and exercise. Our new food choices would eliminate all processed and refined foods. Eating only what God provided for us that's found naturally on His earth.
How our bodies felt was nothing short of amazing and good and healthy. The food we ate was incredible. Sometimes even indescribable in taste, but always magnificent.
And then life got busy and we fell back into some of our old habits. We were eating processed foods, refined sugars, even eating fast food!
Today, as I sluggishly got ready for work I could feel the effects of these not-so-healthy choices. I was officially miserable. I think I even felt more miserable than when we first started because now I know what it's like to feel good.
Riding into work I started to think about Miss Mary's phrase. Enough is enough and too much is nasty. I have been living this out in food. Yes, we have been eating too much AND the "too much" was very UNhealthy stuff. Stuff from man, definitely not found naturally on God's beautiful earth.
Yes, too much was certainly nasty. Nasty for me and nasty in how I now feel. UGH. Why do I do this!?!?!?
God provided perfectly for the Israelites. And He didn't just provide some make-do-with-this product. God gave them a white wafer-like substance that tasted like honey. White, crunchy, sweet perfection. However, some Israelites tested God and took too much manna and guess what? They experienced nasty! God's nasty is really nasty! By morning it was full of maggots and smelled. Yikes, too much is definitely nasty.
Thankfully, I am not full of maggots and I don't think I smell. But I think I feel like the physical equivalent.
Enough is enough and too much is nasty.
Why would I ever change from such wonderful, delicious and healthy eating? Laziness? Rebellion? Time? Life? Stupidity? Priorities? yes! Yes! YES! All of them I am sure!
My step-daughter Laura posted a quote that has stuck with me all day: "If you're tired of starting over, STOP giving up."
UGH! That's totally the bottom line. I gave up! Now I must start again.
I am so thankful for God's word, for His teaching, for placing people in my life that know just what words to provide that will enforce what God wants me to grasp.
I'm getting there. No more maggots & smelliness. Not for us! We are putting our plan back in place on Monday. We've already discussed it and once again we will feel good.
I pray we won't ever give up to the point of stopping. I pray we persevere and draw near to God in the process. I pray that with all our choices we would see God revealed anew. Amen.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Happy Birth Day!
Well, today is my birthday. My day of birth. The day God sent me to earth. The day I began my journey back to Him.
Thankfully, I can say I have walked the path back to my Father, accepted Christ and have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit.
But the path doesn't end there. Once I settled the decision of who I believe Jesus Christ to be, I learned I was a mere infant in my faith. I was just beginning the most exciting part of my life and an adventure that has no ending.
The other thing I have learned is the adventure is only as wonderful as I allow. This life with Christ is forever filled with choices.... my choices.
How much time will I spend with Him, getting to know Him and His voice?
How much will I trust Him?
How frequently will I say "yes" to what He asks of me?
How mature in my faith will I become?
How often will I be available for Him to use?
Last night I read:
Joshua 6:1-5 Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. Then the Lord said to Joshua, “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams’ horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in.”
I have read this many times. Even taught this passage and acted it out with a group of elementary children before. (That was way to much fun, I must say!) However, yesterday I read this with new meaning. I love how God's word is living and breathing and speaks anew to me over and over! God is amazingly Good!
I had not thought of Joshua in terms of his military expertise and background. The strategy that God proposed was nothing like anything in his military handbook or training. In fact in the earlier passages God drastically reduced Joshua's army repeatedly. Given Joshua's experience, this strategy of God's might have seemed preposterous!
Definitely not the standard military battle plan.
But it is God's plan. And that makes it perfect.
If Joshua had not spent time with God getting to know His voice, preparing himself for whatever God would ask of him, growing in spiritual maturity.... then the absurdity of this plan might have caused him to question himself right out of obedience. He might have come up with his own "better" plan and not grown in trust and faith.
At the moment God calls you to something, ANYTHING..... whether it is to deliver a message that makes no sense to you, to become involved in situation where the world would say "you have no business there," wait for a love God will provide on His terms, take a stranger to dinner or walk around a fortress carrying horns and then after days shout for the walls to come down.... you must choose to take His hand and follow or not.
It doesn't matter the magnitude of the request, because in the moment when God calls, your heart will race, your head will be filled with questions and by the world standards the request rarely makes sense.
You will only know the voice, the Author of the instruction if you spend time with Him daily and know Him well. Everyday, time must be spent developing this relationship or without question when we are called we risk missing the adventure with our Creator. We simply won't be prepared to seek Him to calm our heart, to answer the doubts & questions and find the courage to be obedient.
So, as I reflect on this last year and anticipate the next, I must ashamedly admit I have not spent the time I need to every day with my Father, I am thankful my passion is again burning bright and strong as I am pursuing and growing in my relationship with Christ with all that I am....EVERY DAY.
For this year to come I want to be prepared for every encounter with Christ!
I can't wait for what God has planned!
Thank You, Father for Jesus Christ. Thank You, Jesus for the Holy Spirit and thank You, Holy Spirit for the gift of daily guidance. Thank You, Heavenly Father for the ability to choose what I believe and thank You for the life You have given me through my belief in Christ Jesus. I pray this year I draw so close to You as touch the heels of Your feet with the tips of my toes as I walk in Your shadow. My God, my Savior and my Guide I anticipate the coming year with You and desire to seek You in each moment. You are my light and my life. Through Christ I come to You in thanksgiving. Amen.
Thankfully, I can say I have walked the path back to my Father, accepted Christ and have been given the gift of the Holy Spirit.
But the path doesn't end there. Once I settled the decision of who I believe Jesus Christ to be, I learned I was a mere infant in my faith. I was just beginning the most exciting part of my life and an adventure that has no ending.
The other thing I have learned is the adventure is only as wonderful as I allow. This life with Christ is forever filled with choices.... my choices.
How much time will I spend with Him, getting to know Him and His voice?
How much will I trust Him?
How frequently will I say "yes" to what He asks of me?
How mature in my faith will I become?
How often will I be available for Him to use?
Last night I read:
Joshua 6:1-5 Now Jericho was tightly shut up because of the Israelites. No one went out and no one came in. Then the Lord said to Joshua, “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams’ horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have all the people give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the people will go up, every man straight in.”
I have read this many times. Even taught this passage and acted it out with a group of elementary children before. (That was way to much fun, I must say!) However, yesterday I read this with new meaning. I love how God's word is living and breathing and speaks anew to me over and over! God is amazingly Good!
I had not thought of Joshua in terms of his military expertise and background. The strategy that God proposed was nothing like anything in his military handbook or training. In fact in the earlier passages God drastically reduced Joshua's army repeatedly. Given Joshua's experience, this strategy of God's might have seemed preposterous!
Definitely not the standard military battle plan.
But it is God's plan. And that makes it perfect.
If Joshua had not spent time with God getting to know His voice, preparing himself for whatever God would ask of him, growing in spiritual maturity.... then the absurdity of this plan might have caused him to question himself right out of obedience. He might have come up with his own "better" plan and not grown in trust and faith.
At the moment God calls you to something, ANYTHING..... whether it is to deliver a message that makes no sense to you, to become involved in situation where the world would say "you have no business there," wait for a love God will provide on His terms, take a stranger to dinner or walk around a fortress carrying horns and then after days shout for the walls to come down.... you must choose to take His hand and follow or not.
It doesn't matter the magnitude of the request, because in the moment when God calls, your heart will race, your head will be filled with questions and by the world standards the request rarely makes sense.
You will only know the voice, the Author of the instruction if you spend time with Him daily and know Him well. Everyday, time must be spent developing this relationship or without question when we are called we risk missing the adventure with our Creator. We simply won't be prepared to seek Him to calm our heart, to answer the doubts & questions and find the courage to be obedient.
So, as I reflect on this last year and anticipate the next, I must ashamedly admit I have not spent the time I need to every day with my Father, I am thankful my passion is again burning bright and strong as I am pursuing and growing in my relationship with Christ with all that I am....EVERY DAY.
For this year to come I want to be prepared for every encounter with Christ!
I can't wait for what God has planned!
Thank You, Father for Jesus Christ. Thank You, Jesus for the Holy Spirit and thank You, Holy Spirit for the gift of daily guidance. Thank You, Heavenly Father for the ability to choose what I believe and thank You for the life You have given me through my belief in Christ Jesus. I pray this year I draw so close to You as touch the heels of Your feet with the tips of my toes as I walk in Your shadow. My God, my Savior and my Guide I anticipate the coming year with You and desire to seek You in each moment. You are my light and my life. Through Christ I come to You in thanksgiving. Amen.
Monday, September 10, 2012
He Is
When I need Him, He is always there.
Father, I surrender all that I am at Your feet. Father I trust You as I have never trusted before. My life demonstrates this. I despise the anxiety that my heart is feeling. It is not my will. I will not give in. Father I know You have orchestrated Your will repeatedly in my life, in great and mighty ways. I do not understand what I am feeling but I know it does not reflect my trust. Father I ask you to surround me, to fill me completely so that there is no room within me for anything other than You. You alone can provide me peace, confidence and strength. You alone I follow. Thank You for knowing me and perfectly answering my prayers. I love You Father, through Christ I come and in who I believe that I might be filled with Your Holy Spirit. In You I take refuge. Amen
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Light Bulb Moments!!
Working in student ministry is so rewarding for me! Student Ministry combines my passion, my gifts & talents and provides an outlet for me to join God in His work.
A student recently mentioned she was going on a family vacation and would be gone for a couple of weeks. As she talked she shared that she would feel so disconnected from our youth group and would miss everyone so much while she was away. I asked her if she was reading daily devotions and if she would like me to share devotions with her everyday by reading the same passage and emailing our thoughts to each other while she was gone? She said she was reading a daily devotion and she would love that. She said it would help her with still feeling connected to everyone and also in accountability. I love this!!!!
And so it began, our daily reading and sharing. We started in the middle of Jeremiah which is a really weird place to pick up and begin reading. But we did.
This morning I awoke to an email from my devotional friend. An excerpt of what she wrote is below:
"I couldn't believe how blind the Israelites were being. God was telling them exactly why he was angry and what he was going to do, but they just kept ignoring him and doing what they wanted. Sometimes, I sit and think wow, if God was actually talking to me, I would listen! But then I step back and realize that I act just like them sometimes. I am so grateful that God continues to give us all second chances."
I REALLY LOVE THIS!!
I remember reading in Exodus about the grumbling Isrealites very early in my walk with Christ. I remember wondering how they could respond to God the way that they were. I then I realized I was exactly the same, how dare I point my finger at them! I was so ashamed!
That was my light bulb moment and as a result I am forever closely connected and related to the Isrealites. We all are. I love it when someone else has a light bulb moment. It is wonderful when the light goes on in students.... a new life unfolds with them as they realize the bible is not a compilation of stories about people long ago, but it is their story, our own story, your story!!
Thank You Father for equipping me with passion, talents & gifts to work with students. Thank You for supplying an outlet to serve. To You alone may the glory be seen. I love You Father and through Your Son I am blessed with an abundant life in You! Thank You Father for everything that I am and will ever be. Amen.
A student recently mentioned she was going on a family vacation and would be gone for a couple of weeks. As she talked she shared that she would feel so disconnected from our youth group and would miss everyone so much while she was away. I asked her if she was reading daily devotions and if she would like me to share devotions with her everyday by reading the same passage and emailing our thoughts to each other while she was gone? She said she was reading a daily devotion and she would love that. She said it would help her with still feeling connected to everyone and also in accountability. I love this!!!!
And so it began, our daily reading and sharing. We started in the middle of Jeremiah which is a really weird place to pick up and begin reading. But we did.
This morning I awoke to an email from my devotional friend. An excerpt of what she wrote is below:
"I couldn't believe how blind the Israelites were being. God was telling them exactly why he was angry and what he was going to do, but they just kept ignoring him and doing what they wanted. Sometimes, I sit and think wow, if God was actually talking to me, I would listen! But then I step back and realize that I act just like them sometimes. I am so grateful that God continues to give us all second chances."
I REALLY LOVE THIS!!
I remember reading in Exodus about the grumbling Isrealites very early in my walk with Christ. I remember wondering how they could respond to God the way that they were. I then I realized I was exactly the same, how dare I point my finger at them! I was so ashamed!
That was my light bulb moment and as a result I am forever closely connected and related to the Isrealites. We all are. I love it when someone else has a light bulb moment. It is wonderful when the light goes on in students.... a new life unfolds with them as they realize the bible is not a compilation of stories about people long ago, but it is their story, our own story, your story!!
Thank You Father for equipping me with passion, talents & gifts to work with students. Thank You for supplying an outlet to serve. To You alone may the glory be seen. I love You Father and through Your Son I am blessed with an abundant life in You! Thank You Father for everything that I am and will ever be. Amen.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I Moved Again
The drama from the earlier posts continued last Saturday and escalated on Monday to an irrational and overwhelming level. I was confused, I was hurt, I had no idea what to do or how I could help make this situation better.
Most of the day I wondered how this situation got to this point. God walked me right through the original text message, the conversations that followed and the letter. How did I land in this new moment filled with such negative emotion by those considered family?
I'll be honest, I wondered why God let this happen. He started the ball rolling. Why?
Then I read a posting from my friend Tony's blog. Great post about Paul and Silas being thrown into jail for doing something good and while in jail singing God's praises. Their experience ends as God reveals himself in a mighty way and the jailer and his whole family accept a life in Christ.
This post REALLY got me to thinking!
Yes, God provided the original direction, the beginning steps and the letter.... but then what?
God remained right where I left Him. It was I who moved.
I got caught up in the busy-ness of work, life, family.... blah, blah, blah. I didn't stay focused on God.
There wasn't anything He necessarily needed me to do. I however needed to stay near Him.
There are lots of ways for God to reveal Himself in a mighty way throughout this situation. But until He does, I need to be near Him, singing His praises, trusting Him, allowing Him to prepare me for what is next!
I followed God into a situation where He was leading me. However, once I was filled with peace and had a sense of mission accomplished I failed to continue to depend on Him.
I know that sounds crazy. But it's what I did. And then I wondered where He was. I know, what was I thinking!
Obviously I wasn't.
But I am so thankful to serve an All-Mighty and All-Knowing God. Who knows me better than I know myself. I am also thankful to have surrounded myself with a fellowship of believers that God can use to reach me with His wake-up message.
Thank you Tony for your obedience to ask Amanda for a suggestion and for following through. God had a message for me.
God, I loved the 90 days of reading the New Testament all the way through. Once that ended I couldn't figure out a new direction. During that time of reading I was so connected to You and growing daily. Father I need that focus. Help me to know where to begin again. Through Christ I come and seek Your wisdom. Amen.
Most of the day I wondered how this situation got to this point. God walked me right through the original text message, the conversations that followed and the letter. How did I land in this new moment filled with such negative emotion by those considered family?
I'll be honest, I wondered why God let this happen. He started the ball rolling. Why?
Then I read a posting from my friend Tony's blog. Great post about Paul and Silas being thrown into jail for doing something good and while in jail singing God's praises. Their experience ends as God reveals himself in a mighty way and the jailer and his whole family accept a life in Christ.
This post REALLY got me to thinking!
Yes, God provided the original direction, the beginning steps and the letter.... but then what?
God remained right where I left Him. It was I who moved.
I got caught up in the busy-ness of work, life, family.... blah, blah, blah. I didn't stay focused on God.
There wasn't anything He necessarily needed me to do. I however needed to stay near Him.
There are lots of ways for God to reveal Himself in a mighty way throughout this situation. But until He does, I need to be near Him, singing His praises, trusting Him, allowing Him to prepare me for what is next!
I followed God into a situation where He was leading me. However, once I was filled with peace and had a sense of mission accomplished I failed to continue to depend on Him.
I know that sounds crazy. But it's what I did. And then I wondered where He was. I know, what was I thinking!
Obviously I wasn't.
But I am so thankful to serve an All-Mighty and All-Knowing God. Who knows me better than I know myself. I am also thankful to have surrounded myself with a fellowship of believers that God can use to reach me with His wake-up message.
Thank you Tony for your obedience to ask Amanda for a suggestion and for following through. God had a message for me.
God, I loved the 90 days of reading the New Testament all the way through. Once that ended I couldn't figure out a new direction. During that time of reading I was so connected to You and growing daily. Father I need that focus. Help me to know where to begin again. Through Christ I come and seek Your wisdom. Amen.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
God Is With Me Everywhere I Go
I am trying so hard to leave my concerns at the foot of the cross. I want them to stay there, but I keep picking them up. Then my thoughts run wild with a million what-if's.
What if the messages that I sent do not bring peace but stir up anger? Does it mean my motives were impure? Is it my place to have responded at all? Have I made a bigger mess?
I promise this was not my intent nor my heart.
Then I remember the initial message and direction from Sunday morning only became clear after I stopped and asked God "so what do you want me to do?"
However, once the message was sent and the emotions exploded throughout the day, I was overwhelmed by how everything unfolded.
I wanted to respond immediately in love, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to clear the air. But in His silence, God said "not now."
So I waited.
On Tuesday, very clearly God provided the direction. I wrote and then mailed the response to all parties.
Knowing the letters will be received today and tomorrow, I went to God in prayer this morning. I asked Him to search me as directed in Psalm 139:23-24.
I have not been able to leave my worry and anxiety at the feet of the cross and simply wait.
I feel my anxiety growing as this day wears on. Remembering that I left off hours ago by asking God to search my heart, I open again to Psalm 139. I wanted to remember that there is nowhere I can go that God won't be with me.
But before I get to those verses I read:
Oh LORD, you have searched me and You know me. Psalm 139:1
Peace overflows and restores me!!! Thank you Oh LORD!!!!! And then You remind me You will be with me whatever today holds and all the days to come. There is nowhere I can go that You will not be with me.
You hem me in —behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
What if the messages that I sent do not bring peace but stir up anger? Does it mean my motives were impure? Is it my place to have responded at all? Have I made a bigger mess?
I promise this was not my intent nor my heart.
Then I remember the initial message and direction from Sunday morning only became clear after I stopped and asked God "so what do you want me to do?"
However, once the message was sent and the emotions exploded throughout the day, I was overwhelmed by how everything unfolded.
I wanted to respond immediately in love, I wanted to apologize, I wanted to clear the air. But in His silence, God said "not now."
So I waited.
On Tuesday, very clearly God provided the direction. I wrote and then mailed the response to all parties.
Knowing the letters will be received today and tomorrow, I went to God in prayer this morning. I asked Him to search me as directed in Psalm 139:23-24.
I have not been able to leave my worry and anxiety at the feet of the cross and simply wait.
I feel my anxiety growing as this day wears on. Remembering that I left off hours ago by asking God to search my heart, I open again to Psalm 139. I wanted to remember that there is nowhere I can go that God won't be with me.
But before I get to those verses I read:
Oh LORD, you have searched me and You know me. Psalm 139:1
Peace overflows and restores me!!! Thank you Oh LORD!!!!! And then You remind me You will be with me whatever today holds and all the days to come. There is nowhere I can go that You will not be with me.
You hem me in —behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:5-10
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. Psalm 139:5-10
And so I once again lay my heart, worries, cares and anxieties at the feet of the Cross.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31
Father, help me to stand strong in You. I don not want fear to define me, I do not want worry and anxiety to guide me through the day. I desire You. Father I want none of me present in me. Father please through the Holy Spirit fill every crevice of my being with You and You alone. Fill me wiht Your love, Your peace, Your wisdome, Your discernment, Your emotions & thoughts, let Your heart fill me. I pray Your heart is moving in a mighty way throughout us all that Love might prevail and You would be glorified.
Oh Abba, Father, I feel Your peace. Thank You!
Father, help me to stand strong in You. I don not want fear to define me, I do not want worry and anxiety to guide me through the day. I desire You. Father I want none of me present in me. Father please through the Holy Spirit fill every crevice of my being with You and You alone. Fill me wiht Your love, Your peace, Your wisdome, Your discernment, Your emotions & thoughts, let Your heart fill me. I pray Your heart is moving in a mighty way throughout us all that Love might prevail and You would be glorified.
Oh Abba, Father, I feel Your peace. Thank You!
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