Burdened

Matthew 11:28-30  "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Last week was an interesting week.  Starting with the prior Sunday, the tithing commitment that God asked for and I submitted to.

At the moment He asked, I didn't really think through the ramifications of all that would lie ahead.  I knew only at that moment God was asking something from me.  Having been down this road before I knew I wanted to follow.  I knew I didn't want to be anywhere that God wasn't.  So I took His hand and committed to financial tithing in the next pay period which would be October 12.

Last week could have been a financial disaster but as I followed God, He provided.

Looking back at last week, I believe God fully knew what I had committed to and that today, I would realize the impossibility of that commitment. God knew I would need the experiences with Him last week to help anchor me in Him.

I didn't see it then, but I see it now.  As I have reviewed the finances for the approaching pay period I see there is no way to meet the financial obligation that exists without tithing.  Add tithing in and it's beyond achievable.  Although I suppose impossible is just impossible. Even $1.00 needed beyond what is in hand at any given moment is no more or no less impossible.

The verse above showed up in my Saturday quiet time devotion.  I knew when I read it that it somehow pertained to last week and the week ahead, but I didn't have time to think about it.  It kept coming back to me over the course of Saturday and Sunday.

And now here I am. 

I think I usually read that first verse and miss the word burdened.  I see the words "come," "weary," and "rest."  Today, "weary" tried to overshadow again, but "burdened" battled to the forefront.

Today I read:  Come to me, all who are burdened, and I will give you rest.  Learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 

What is so wonderful about this verse as I see it today?  It speaks perfectly to where I am and what I need to focus on.

I am feeling the financial burden.  I see the financial impossibility of our situation and even still He promises rest for my soul.  He is gentle, humble in heart and desires for me to learn from Him.

God created me, He knows me.  He knows how I struggle to hold on to control even as everything is falling apart.  Crazy, I know.  Then last night Jeff and I had a random conversation that provided additional unrest regarding the stability of our financial future.  Unfortunately this fueled my "desire-to-control" fire.

As I reviewed the next pay periods activity and saw the mountain in front of me, Matthew 11:28-30 popped back up.

I must walk away from all that binds.  I must leave this burden with Him.  To do so I need Him.  Only Him and none of me.  My heart must be transformed and trust Him.

Father , Christ says to "learn from Him."  I desperately want to learn.  Open my mind and my heart to Your teaching.  I desire a pure heart, not a burdened heart.  Father I know I cannot do this without You.   In fact I cannot do this at all.  I must surrender completely before You.  Father this is Yours, but somehow I have made a mess of it.  Father I don't ask You to clean this up because I made a mess.  I come before You seeking a change of heart.  Change me Father.  Make me, mold me, I am Yours.  Guide us into each decision.  Father, I lay my life before Your throne, I ask for the Holy Spirit to fill me and guide me.  Father I desire for You have complete control, that I may have the peace that accompanies.  Father I don't know what to do so just as I give You all of me, I also give You Your monies.  I pray for Your Wisdom and Your peace.  Father I pray for Your strength and courage to follow as You guide, to grow in trust in perfect plan as Friday approaches.  Father in You I take refuge and in You I trust.  Father I am sorry for inexcusable disaster.  Father I ask You to lead me.  I want to grow in trust.  Help me Father.  Amen.