I see very clearly today that none of those emotions accurately display my reliance upon God.
Not at all! These words very accurately describe the Old Me, the me I used to be, the me that I sometimes give an inch and then completely takes over and wreaks havoc.
I am not sure which emotion I first embraced, but instantaneously the flood gates opened and the rest followed.
I can't tell you how many times I have read or written about being prepared, being armed with the Armor of God. I know these things. And yet still I have been absent from church the last several weeks and we haven't read devotions for the last month. This is choosing to not be prepared.
And this is precisely why my day wasn't filled with descriptive words like Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Controlled Tongue, Trust, Faith.
These are words that accurately reflect a day where I have relied upon my Savior.
I fully admit I was raging completely out of control. After dinner is normally evening wind down time in front the television. Thankfully on this evening God presented me with a choice. Clean out the car or watch TV. I just couldn't sit, so I sweat like a crazy nut and went outside to clean out the car. When I walked back inside the TV was on and no one was watching it, I turned it off. The silence overcame me like a breath of fresh air. Within minutes people were present and the TV was turned on again. The noise was debilitating. I had to find Peace. God presented another choice, fold, hang & put away a mountain of laundry or stew, pace and ferment in nothingness.
I chose laundry. Work is good for the mind and the soul. In the silence I could let my thoughts begin to settle. With a quieter mind, I could hear God. While I folded and hung the laundry, I had a constant prayer, "LORD, change me, I cannot face this situation as I am. LORD, change me." He planted song lyrics in my heart that stayed with me throughout the night:
Our God by Chris Tomlin
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
Our God is greater, our God is stronger, God you are higher than any other.
Our God is Healer, Awesome in Power, Our God! Our God!
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us.
And if our God is with us, then what could stand against.
Then what could stand against.
These lyrics played over and over in my head until I fell asleep.
We literally weathered some powerful storms in the middle of the night. Tornado sirens, heavy wind, rain.... the weather outside very much matched the life storm of yesterday. I was thankful for the words God had provided to see me through the night and to provide a better perspective on life.
This morning's devotional quoted two scriptures:
Romans 8:31-32 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?
Micah 7:7 But as for me, I watch in hope for the LORD. I wait for God my Savior; my god will hear me.
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And then from Sarah Young devotional: It is not so much adverse events that make you anxious as it is your thoughts about those events. Your mind engages in efforts to take control of a situation, to bring about the result you desire. Your thoughts close in on the problem like ravenous wolves. Determined to make things go your way, you forget that I am in charge of your life. The only remedy is to switch your focus from the problem to My Presence. Stop all your striving, and watch to see what i will do. I Am the Lord!
God chose to reiterate His own words from last night. To once again remind me that if God is for me, who can be against me? Through Sarah's words God pointed out that the situation we are facing isn't causing my anxiousness, it's my own thoughts about the scenario. I got so hyper-focused on MY thoughts that there was no room for His thoughts.
So please say hello to New Me. Christ makes all things new and He continually RE-news me!!
The situation has not changed an ounce from last night..... or should I say, not that I know of anyway. However I have changed. The situation we face is financially disheartening, but more importantly is the character issue of a young lady. I know God cares about finances for He has cared for me before in this area, but I know His love for this young lady, her character development and relationship with Him are of equal importance. I know He will use this situation to guide me, teach me, transform me and draw me closer to Him, for He already has.
I am reminded once again that in order to face each day I need to stay prepared and armed because this is a tough situation. I believe that God expects us all to be responsible, accountable and learn to trust Him through the consequences of our choices. He will use each of us available for His service to reach out and teach, guide or instruct those along our path as He calls.
If any part of the Old Me shows up at any moment and we have the makings of catastrophic disaster. Yes, I have heard You, Father, and I thank You for giving me choices and guiding me perfectly back the me You created me to be. Through Christ I come and I follow by the leading of the Holy Spirit, Father I ask that You prepare Katie, Cliff, Laura, Joseph, Betty, Glen, Jeff & myself, Alex, Andie, Tom & Tanja. I ask You to move in all our hearts to hear Your will for this situation clearly. Father please prepare our ears to hear Your words, prepare our mouths to speak Your words, Father grant us each the measure of strength and courage to do as You call, prepare our hearts to Love as You love, while maintaining expectations. Father, fill us with endurance and perseverance to follow You where You lead. Help us Oh God, Lead the way and help us Oh God. Amen.
