Learn from Me

My body woke me up at 2:24 for a quick trip to the bathroom.

Once I laid back down, I was awake.  I acknowledged the presence of Christ and sensed He was inviting me to spend time with Him.

I wanted to, I was trying to, but Satan obviously was against this idea.  First I couldn't concentrate because the train whistle distracted me.  Then my half of my nose clogged and breathing or lack of breathing was distracting.  I couldn't get comfortable... you name it and quiet time with my Savior just wasn't happening.

The longer I laid there, the more my heart and mind felt burdened.  I knew that in order to meet with Jesus for some much needed one-on-one time, I would need to move myself from the present surroundings.

I grabbed a Hall's cough drop and I trotted myself to the downstairs couch.

It was freezing!  I easily found 2 blankets and a pillow.  I got all comfy and cozy and Jesus was right there waiting! But as much as I wanted to spend time with Him, I couldn't settle down the busy-ness in my head.

So, I just quietly laid there.

Come to find out I had an awful lot on my mind.  My brain was racing!  I was concerned for Jeff's sister & her family, I was distraught over finances and tithing, I was concerned for my earlier conversation with Andie, Alex's birthday is on a Wednesday and so is Survivor night with Laura & Joseph, and another college visit on a Wednesday in 2 weeks.

It was a serious battle.  All of these issues kept swirling and swirling around in my head.  They were such a mountain of distraction & noise that I could barely see Jesus and there was NO hearing from Him.

So I just laid there some more.

I was frustrated.  I knew I needed time with Jesus, but the noise in my head sounded too loud, the mountain of issues in front of me seemed to great.

The longer I laid there, the quieter the noise became. 

First up was Jeff's sister's family.  Jesus reminded me He had already instructed me on this a few days ago.  Why was I attempting to pick it up again?  After several minutes I remember the Serenity Prayer.  Yes, I remember, for now this is something I cannot change.  I prayed for peace to settle this storm for now.

Then came finances and tithing.  This was a giant pickle!  I knew it, how could Christ fix this?  I just sat with my turmoil and finally I simply heard, rested on the thought that "this is not for today."  It's true, payday is not until Friday, worrying today will not help only deter the day's mission.  Wow.

Conversation with Andie?  Well that held the issue to really dive into.  Yesterday afternoon God got me thinking about the Grace He offers to me every day.  The challenge was strive to exemplify that same grace to those around me beginning with getting out of the car and walking into the house.

First I had a misunderstanding with Alex about dirty dishes that weren't hers, then a frustrating exchange with Andie and a short-tempered response to Jeff.... UGH this was all within 10 or 15 minutes of walking in the door.

Can you say "F-A-I-L?"  Wow, miserably!!  Now I had compounded the situation with guilt. Oh to be human!

I had failed in the moment.  However, now at 330 in the morning,  I was also aware and working through this with Jesus.  What kept popping into my head was parts of yesterdays devotional verse in Matthew 11:28-30...."learn from me."  I was in the perfect place for Him to teach and for me to learn.

I have a new perspective.

Then another phrase from yesterday's verse emerged....."for I am gentle and humble at heart."  I definitely was not this!  Oh dear.  But I want to be.

Shortly thereafter I must have fallen asleep, because I awoke at 530am.

I am walking through today changed as a result of last night.  Today I am more gentle and humble at heart. A long way from where I am sure God desires me to be, but I am more in Him than I was yesterday.  Not because in the middle of the night He removed my burdens and made my world perfect.  He didn't, not technically anyway.

I am more in Him because I spent time with Him, learning from Him and growing in relationship with Him.  It's very good.  I want to continue to learn from Him and grow in Him.  I am thankful for my time with Him last night.